I'm having one of those moments of insight. You know when you wake in the middle of the night and you're alone with your thoughts and feelings. So here I am awake, and with my thoughts and feelings. The main theme of these thoughts (and there are many) is LIfe's too short.
Life's too short to be always caught in ifs and buts.
Life's too short to be sweating the small stuff.
Life's way too short to be lying awake at this hour....
I hurt my back last week. Simple as, reaching into the boot of the car to get something and I overstretched and while I didn't feel much at that specific time, within an hour, I was in serious pain. By that evening, I couldn't stand straight and was in constant pain. Now, nearly a week later, I find myself marvelling at how easy it was to cause harm to myself. Consciously it was not my intention to hurt myself. Yet here I am hurt, physically sore, and awake with the pain. In fact if I were honest, I have been awake with the pain every night for almost a week now.
Tonight I find myself looking back over my life and remembering times when I have been in pain, physical pain mostly and of course emotional pain too. Without realising it I found that I was holding myself, I had wrapped my arms around my own body and was sobbing, I could hear myself in my head saying I was sorry for all the times in my life when I seemed to be in pain and I couldn't do anything to get out of that pain. I found it to be a very freeing experience. It didn't last long, just a few minutes, and yet I felt a great sense of relief.
As children we are vulnerable. We have to rely on others for protection and love. We can be and are hurt, often too easily, and if these hurts don't get resolved, they get lodged in our cellular memory. Hence the weaknesses and old wounds that always seem to leave us with 'a weak back' or 'sensitive stomach' or 'tense jaw', 'grinding teeth at night', 'constant headaches', 'over weight'..... The list could be endless for all of us.
I suppose at this stage in my life, I have come to a place in myself where I can acknowledge that, for the most part, no one set out to deliberately hurt me. And I got hurt. Birth trauma is a classic example of how this can happen. Natural Child Birth is said to be the most traumatic thing that will happen to most of us until we come to breathing our last breath on this earth. Why so? Well we are pushed out of our very comfortable and safe womb (though for some even the womb is not safe) and to get out we are squeezed through the birth canal. If you are a mother, then you know something of the experience. If you have done some 'rebirthing' therapy then you too have some sense of the trauma. It's not something we consciously remember, but it does teach us that we can survive traumatic experiences. It also can leave us feeling unsafe... it all depends on how our whole system interprets and files away the experience. And this is true of all of life. Our mothers didn't set out to cause us pain by giving birth to us, but we suffer the pain of being born. Nobody's fault and trauma is the consequence.
So for me tonight I find myself acknowledging the pain I feel, and in feeling this pain in my back I seem to have tapped into other pains I have felt through life. I was able to allow myself to release some of the emotion of this pain. Let it release and let it go. Then I seemed to think of how I or indeed all of us can inflict pain on ourselves, either mentally or physically. Most of the time we are unaware that we are doing this, it's a subconscious thought we think, or we over stretch ourselves physically, I think you get the picture. And you know what? Life's too short. We are here in our physical bodies for a short time. For some that can be much shorter than others. We have been given the gift of life. Gifts are given to be opened and enjoyed, not kept in a wrapper or left in the box they came in. Life's too short to be caught up in ifs and buts. Life's too short to be focusing on who did what to whom!! Life's too short to be holding trauma and pain in our cellular memory. Let it go. Let yourself be pain free, Release the pain and the thoughts that hold us back and keep us in the past. Letting go is something we do so easily every time we exhale. So make the intention right now that as you breathe, as you exhale, you are going to 'let go' of everything that no longer serves you well. Everything that is not for your highest good and heeling. And as you inhale you are breathing in new life, new air, new energy. Cos Life is too short!